(Disney Drill Sgt. Enters)

“It has come to my attention that this unit is said to lack discipline and have rumors of complaints, lowered efficiency, and a lack of engagement. The Mouse won’t tolerate it, and neither will I. You there! Johnson!”

“Uh...me?”

“Where do you work?”

“I’m a cashier at-”

“No! WHERE do you work?”

“Uh, the happiest place…”

“THAT’S RIGHT! The HAPPIEST place on earth. Now say it like you mean it!”

“The happiest place on…”

“HAPPIER!”

“The HAPPIEST place on…”

“HAPPIER!!!!”

“THE HAPPIEST PLACE…”

“MAKE ME FORGET I’M FINALIZING MY DIVORCE TOMORROW!”

“THIS IS THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!”

“Good, Johnson! The ear kiosk should be squared away. MILLER! I saw your smile droop just now. Cheeks up! Wider. Wider! I said WIDER! What do you think this is, Islands of Adventure? AN ENTIRE CITRUS TWIST SHOULD FIT INTO THAT SMILE! GOOD! Now hold it! Hold it! I want your cheeks to burn like my rejected love. Excellent, Miller! At ease...I said at ease, Miller.”

“I think my face is stuck.”

“The Mouse would be proud of your dedication. All-right, I believe my work here is done. The voices are happier, the smiles are wider, and my void is smaller. Back to work, everyone. EXCEPT YOU, JOHNSON!”

“Uh, yes?”

“You will find a way to make me leave this park!”

“Excuse me?”

“You WILL stop me from finding my ex and begging her to take me back!”

“But I thought this was…”

“JOHNSON, THAT IS AN ORDER!”

(singing) “....It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a-”

“JOHNSON, YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD!”

 

(Disney Drill Sgt. Leaves)