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Carbondale, IL  – Visitors of the Darlingwood Community Park found the line to the popular spiral slide at a complete stand still for the fourth time in 20 minutes as the same skittish toddler once again sat frozen with fear at the top, refusing to zip down into the outstretched arms of the parent waiting to catch him. “It’s like the millionth time I’ve been stuck behind him,” commented 11-year old Jenna Jones. “It’s not scary. He’s just a big baby. I’m gonna push him next time.”

 

Although most of the other parents didn’t seem too bothered by the child’s many failed attempts at conquering the highest slide at the north-end playground, the young toddler’s mother didn’t share the same indifferent attitude. “I sit at the bottom, waiting,” she complained. “I’ve tried encouragement, shame, even threats. If I have to climb to the top of that spiral slide one more time, I’m just taking the little poop stain home.”

 

When asked to explain the apparent psychological factors being displayed, Dr. Karl Lewiston of the Bright Horizons Childhood Development Center points out, “Whether dealing with a fear of heights or uncertainty for what’s to come, it’s perfectly normal for anyone at any age to exhibit a certain amount of apprehension toward new things.” Lewiston then casually added, “It would also be perfectly reasonable to assume the kid’s a drug baby.”

 

Reports indicate that in the forty-six total minutes spent at the park, the little guy also held up lines at the swings, then again at the monkey bars, as well as several ridiculous instances at the drinking fountain.