To whom it may concern,

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I am sick and tired of being taken advantage of because of my age. When I was a kid, we respected our elders! And yet here I am, being mocked every day because of my gray hair or my inept knowledge of how to work the Facespace or MyPad. We never had these social channels!

 

Back in my day, the only way to stalk someone online, was to hang from a telephone line looking into their window! I didn’t fight in World War Korea so that I would have to listen to this insane loud barking music. The only music we had was the sound of a man crying because he lost his brother to those horrible southern Yankees fighting for independence against Britain!

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Anyway, the real reason I am writing is to let everyone know that I am selling this amazing cream that gets rid of butt wrinkles and clears up acne. If you join my team today, you can create your own amazing Facespace stories that everyone will click on trying to see other people’s workout videos.

 

For realz, guys—this stuff works.

AND I’M OLD.

 

Sincerely,

A 42-year-old man