I don’t have narcolepsy or any other sleep disease. I just get a little heavy eyed from time to time. Here are a few things I’ve slept through:

 

The Night. Pretty obvious, really. But it’s on the list just the same.

 

The Ballet. Listen, I tried.

 

The Weekend. This only happened once, but if you’d been at that party, you’d understand. It was balls to the walls. In fact, I can’t even remember how I got home? And why did I wake up in that awful Parrot Head t-shirt? Oh, no. No. No. No. No.

 

The Weeknd. This also only happened once. Won’t make that mistake again.

 

“Just Shoot Me!” the TV sitcom. The title was spot on. Even David Spade couldn’t keep these baby blues from closing.

 

Mitt Romney Presidential Run 2008. For real? I’m pretty sure Obama was the only candidate that election.

 

The Last 25 years of NASA Space Shuttle Missions. We’ve all slept through these. Amirite?

 

The Fall of Communism. Ironically—and in my defense—that didn’t happen overnight.

 

Super Bowl XLI. That was the year the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings won, right?

 

The Rise and Fall of Jared the Subway Guy. Dodged a bullet there.

 

Dabbing. From what I hear, another bullet dodged.

 

Bottle Flipping. This isn’t a thing.

 

The Woah. Ugh.

 

Flossing. Please stop.

 

My Parents’ Pathetic Version of ‘The Talk.’ Honestly, Andrew Berkenstein from third period told it way better.

 

Jimmy Buffet Concert. Guess I better add this to the list.