–Eubestice, sir, allow me to entertain your guests while you compose yourself.

–What are you implying young Doug Boy? Does my appearance vex you?

–No sir. Well, maybe just the spittle gathered in the corners of your mouth. Also, your toupee has slipped from atop your head to rest on your left shoulder, and you seem to have somehow put both legs into one trouser.

–How dare you be so forthright, Doug Boy!

 

…

 

–It’s far too bright out, young Doug Boy. Shield my eyes.

–Perhaps you could hold the parasol so I can better push your pram Eubestice, sir.

–Hold the parasol? My dear fair-skinned Doug Boy, how shall you ever learn self-sufficiency if I’m continually beckoned to your rescue?

–I’m not sure that’s the issue at hand, sir.

–Oh Doug Boy. You truly are a delicate flower.

 

…

 

–Doug Boy, the bath you drew is far too hot.

–I do apologize Eubestice, sir. However, this happens to be the bowl of soup you requested.

­–Poppycock. You will draw me a new one post haste.

–A new bowl of soup?

–Don’t be ridiculous. One cannot bathe in soup my simple-minded Doug Boy. Now, if you’ll please take your leave whilst I disrobe.

–Please don’t, sir. We’re seated in a teashop.