Hi honey! I can hear you’re very busy in there—just wanted to let you know I’ve left some orange slices and juice boxes outside the door for you and your friends. I wasn’t sure what that “Rockstar” drink you asked for was…sorry Shnooks! Are you doing alright in there? It’s very loud.

 

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Sweetheart, I wanted to let you know that I found the leather vest in your closet. If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you honey. And remember, your father and I love you no matter what.

 

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Enjoyed the cover on your latest album, darling. I always did think you had a nice pink tongue. But when did you start wearing eyeliner? I hope you at least got the hypoallergenic kind—you know how sensitive your eyes can get. Love you!

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Let me know if you’d like some tea later. I read an article that said hollering was bad for your vocal chords. Honey-covered kisses from mama!

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I saw the gal you were, hmmm, interacting with last night. Sweetie, isn’t she a little…tattooed for a good boy like you? Always wanting the best for my precious Bubby.

 

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I just wanted to let you know how special I think it is that when people see you on the street, they flash the I-Love-You sign and imitate your last album cover. What a good example you are to these troubled kids today. Proud of you, baby!

 

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Hi pudding! Do you think you and your nice music friends could do a private concert at the church’s beach party this Saturday? Maybe a cover—is that what they call it?—of that nice song about eating cake by the ocean? So funny how there is a song for everything these days. Let me know, honey!