The Ideal Job for Every Disney Prince
After They Graduate from Technical College
Words by Ryan Croker Art by Mark Brooks
Let’s face it: Disney princes are parasites. They contribute nothing to the betterment of society and expect the world to just provide them with money and castles and pretty girls to marry. It’s not a sustainable system at all. Thankfully, there is a solution. Each Disney Prince should enroll in technical college, learn a trade and be a contributing member of society. Here’s a list of the jobs each prince should have after they graduate.
Price Eric: Radar Technician
Eric might have to join the Navy or the Coast Guard, but he’d be ideal as one of those guys who looks at a radar screen and lets everyone know if there is a whale or an enemy fighter jet or a friendly fighter jet. He’d be close to the sea, which means he could still go on dates with fish people if he wanted to. What really matters, though, is that he’d be protecting us from enemies both foreign and domestic.
Prince Charming: IT Guy for a Large Hotel
Charming is a fancy guy and large hotels are some of the fanciest places a person can go. When all the guests have problems with their Wi-Fi, they can call Charming, who can fix their problem and be fancy enough that the guests won’t be upset about the bad
Prince Hans: Call Center Manager
Hans was the bad guy in his story, but those qualities that made him a ruthless villain would make him a great call center manager. He could manipulate employees into working on weekends and make sure that they all hit their sales targets by promising them pizza on Friday. He’d make sure that the quarterly reports always had the right numbers, even if he had to fudge things a little bit.
The Beast: Trade Show Booth Technician
When the company needs someone to set up a booth at the annual trade show, they would call Beast. He could connect the touchscreen displays and make sure that the looping video about what the company’s new software can do keeps looping. Nobody would expect more from him because he’s not very good at anything.
Tron: IT Team Lead
Tron would probably be the top student at any Technical School, so he’d be a shoo-in for team lead on an IT team. He’d know all the right jargon and would be able to answer any questions about computer problems before sending his guys to take care of it. Also, Tron would let the team play video games in their downtime.
Wall-E: Hard Drive
Wall-E would be a good hard drive. He could store all of the data and then send it to people when they need it. He would probably have enough storage for hundreds of large files, from photoshop files to short videos.
Oliver is an orange kitten, but he’s also very good at solving problems. If anyone has a problem, he’d be the right troubleshooter. As a plus, the people with problems could also ask him to kill mice.