
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Mosh Pit
Words by Aron Simkins Art by Patrick Witmer

A Priest, a Rabbi and Crocodile Dundee walk into a mosh pit…
Priest: What could possess everyone to behave so irreverently one with another?
Rabbi: Empty barrels make the most noise.
Crocodile Dundee: That’s not a mosh pit. This is a mosh pit.
A Priest, a Rabbi and Willy Wonka walk into a mosh pit…
Priest: This ungodly display is further evidence of man’s tragic and fallen state.
Rabbi: Mishegoss pour from them like turds from a goat.
Willy Wonka: Mosh pits, my dear friends, are 93% egotism, 6% misplaced anger, 4% perspiration, 2% butterscotch ripple.
A Priest, a Rabbi and Forrest Gump walk into a mosh pit…
Priest: Surely this is a representation of the many unseen forces persistently pulling at our own resolve.
Rabbi: No one knows whose shoe pinches except the person who walks in it.
Forrest Gump: Mama always said, life is like a mosh pit. You never know who you’re gonna hit.
A Priest, a Rabbi and Farris Bueller walk into a mosh pit…
Priest: Saints be witnesses, I live to see the day when ‘do unto others as you would have done unto you’ shall not apply.
Rabbi: Better a slap from a sage than a kiss from a fool.
Farris Bueller: Mosh pits move pretty fast. If you stop and look around once in a while, you’ll probably get smacked.
A Priest, a Rabbi and Doc Brown walk into a mosh pit…
Priest: We must withdraw ourselves from the snares of the serpent’s fiery pit.
Rabbi: You can’t dance at two weddings with one tuchus.
Doc Brown: Mosh pits? Where we’re going, we don’t need mosh pits.