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My Life as a Radio

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Words by Aron Simkins      Art by Ryan Anderson

For years, I spoke with a stutter. That’s why I was ecstatic when that wrinkly, old wizard granted me the desire of my heart. I wanted to be a radio star with a golden voice that would melt hearts. Then I’d be able to woo my crush, Bethany Lancaster. Trouble was, when I tried to tell that old wizard my wish, my stutter got the best of me and all that came out was, “I wish to be a radio.”


So, now I’m a radio.


I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t it every boy’s dream to be a radio, playing non-stop, commercial-free hits 24-7? Trust me. I thought the same thing. I was eager as anyone to crank it up and rip the knob off. But, turns out being a radio is not all it’s cracked-up to be. For starters, every time I speak, it always comes out as “Every Breath You Take.” Which really sucks—especially since I know other songs exist. Plus, the pressure to be on all the time is exhausting. It’ll burn you out quicker than a one-hit wonder.


And you can say so-long to having any meaningful conversations. Radios may do a lot of talking, but there’s not much listening going on. Unless, of course, you happen to be a CB or ham radio. I tried that for a while but never quite got a handle on it. And between you and me, those types tend to smell like Pizza Combos and roller dogs anyway.


Speaking of snacks—and this may come as a shock—radios don’t eat. Sure, I spend most of my time hanging out in the diner on Main these days. But I’m really just there for the mood, not the food. Plus, it’s the best chance I have to see Bethany Lancaster. If only I could talk to her for real, tell her it's me. But again, whenever she whisks through the doors, I just end up blaring “Every Breath You Take” at the top of my speakers like a crazy stalker. 


Yep. Being a radio’s definitely not what it’s cracked up to be. But that’s what AM now. And if people don’t like it—FM all.

Art by Kimball Clark
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