Lost Car Keys
Words by Ryan Croker
Art by Mike Kamanski
Opinion: I Lost My Car Keys
I’m not usually one to get political, especially in a forum like this where subtlety and nuance can so quickly get lost in an endless sea of words. Nevertheless, I have something that I need to get off my chest, especially before all of those snowflakes out there get all politically correct about it. I lost my keys on Tuesday. I know I had them when I got to work because Chloe in Accounting said something about my Garfield keychain. Yes, I have a Garfield keychain. All of you alt-right fascists out there better deal with it, because it's not going anywhere. Except that I don’t know where it is, because I lost my keys. Yes. I am firmly convinced that I lost my keys in the office on Tuesday and I don’t care what the ACLU has to say about it.
I had to take an Uber home and it was probably the seventeenth most humiliating moment of my life. It was one of those moments that really made me sit back and think. Not just about keys, although mine are lost and that’s really important to me. I thought a lot about how everyone feels like they have to be so tribalistic about me losing my keys. Can’t we find some common ground? My keys are very lost. I had to break a window just to get in my house on Tuesday night. That’s the kind of data point that can easily be misinterpreted by either side, but for me, it just means that I lost my keys and don’t have a spare set.
I know that the current political/social climate and the way that we all live in a social media echo chamber has made it harder for us to see the other side, but I lost my keys. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I just want to find them. Please join with me. Together, we can all find that little piece of shared humanity that seems missing in today’s world.