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Words by Aron Simkins     Art by Patrick Witmer     
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Box People

Realtor: Aren’t you two the cutest couple. How long y’all been married?


Wife: Just under a year.


Realtor: Newlyweds!


Husband: Feels like longer.


Wife: Honey!


Husband: What?


Realtor: Well, I’m just tickled pink y’all chose me as your realtor. I have a question for ya, though. I noticed you have a specific requirement you’re looking for in your new home.


Wife: We want a box.


Realtor: Yes. That was it. I just want to make sure I’m clear-as-water as to what that means exactly. 


Wife: Oh, you know—the typical…


Husband: None of that fancy box stuff. We’re on a budget.


Wife: Honey!


Husband: What?


Realtor: Okay. Just another question then. Could you, perhaps, describe what features ya’ll are looking for?


Wife: I guess four sides. 90-degree angles. Parallel lines.


Husband: An opening to get out.


Wife: Honey!


Husband: What?


Realtor: Ha. Seems like you’re describing an actual box, box.


Wife: Ooh, that sounds nice.


Husband: Sounds expensive.


Wife: Honey!


Husband: What?


Realtor: You aren’t kidding. Well, uh, think I have some boxes I could show you.


Wife: Anything in cardboard would be lovely.


Husband: Or maybe mime.


Wife: HONEY!


Husband: What?


Realtor: I apologize if I seem a bit out of sorts. I’m just not entirely sure where we keep our, uh, box portfolio. Probably in a box in the back.


Wife: You have boxes in the back?


Realtor: Um, yes. But they’re all bankers boxes.


Husband: Well, I’m no banker.


Realtor: Heh. What I mean is, I’m sure they’re not right for you.


Wife: Listen. Just because my husband isn’t the financial type…


Realtor: Oh, no. I just meant they’re small boxes. You probably wouldn’t fit comfortably...


Husband: Now hold on. The teeter may totter in my wife’s favor but fitting-in is something she does remarkably well.


Wife: Excuse me?


Husband: What?

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